Mary in India

It's hard to remain normal with the work I'm doing here.

Example, last night we went to a nice restaurant with some of the Frenchies. They ask me about work, so I tell them some of what I had done the day before.

Which included taking a boy named Ganesh to the hospital for a CT scan. He had fallen off the roof of the one of the homes in his slum and hit his head pretty hard. Though he did not break any bones, he had been vomiting since the accident. So, we go to the center (Julia and I) to pickup the boy and his mother. They had never in their lives been inside a car before. My car for the day was a really nice jeep style, with leather interior, and cold air conditioner. They were both wide-eyed the entire time. His mother kept thanking me for the ride, and they both stared outside the windows with amazement. When we arrived at the clinic Julia paid for his CT scan, which was 2,000 rupees, the AIC Medical Outreach Program covers all their fees. The scan wasn't going to be ready for 30 minutes, so Julia said we should find a place to eat. We found a veg restaurant really close to the clinic. It was a nice place, and both the boy and his mother had never been to a restaurant before. It was at this time I noticed he had no shoes. Which broke my heart to see, I would never walk barefoot in India that's for sure. The streets are covered with nasty things. The owner of the restaurant came outside while we were standing reading he menu. He looked annoyed and yelled at them to move away from his steps. Julia quickly told him in Hindi that they're with us. The man looked completely shocked, but allowed us all to enter his restaurant. Ganesh, the boy, ordered Chinese noodles. He had never had noodles in his life and didn't even know what they were. He was so excited, examining everything on the table. The silverware, the folded napkins, the salt shaker. Close to us was a fish tank with some fairly large fish inside. He ran over to it and stared at it for couple minutes. He has never seen fish alive in a tank before. Once our food arrived, he went to town on his big plate of noodles. Both Julia and I had wished he'd ordered something a little healthier. After all, he only eats 1 meal a day and that's if his parents make some money that day. His Mom refused to eat a bite of the noodles, saying it's something she doesn't know (she's never had or seen before) and therefore doesn't trust. So she had ordered some dosa instead (also not very healthy). His mother kept thanking us all day, and I remember thinking how weird it was to be thanked for something that is so small to me. I mean...incredibly small. Food in India is so cheap compared to the U.S. or Europe, in total our lunch for all five of us (including chai tea) was only $20 or so. This day may have well been a trip to Disneyland for this boy and his mother. She was in her 30s, and had never been inside such a nice restaurant. Basic things that anyone in the US has done practically since birth.

Ganesh was jumping around all day with excitement. I half jokingly told Julia that I hope he doesn't think he should get hurt more often! Luckily his CT scan was fine, and he is doing well.

After explaining this to the Frenchies at dinner, I immediately regretted it. Here we are eating this delicious Italian food. Full plates we won't be able to finish, bottle of nice wine, and I am talking about a cute shoeless boy who eats 1 time a day and cherished his day eating Chinese noodles. Julia had told me later that it was probably the best day of his life. Those things crush your heart, the guilt you feel is overwhelming, and it weighed heavily on the the table. Nnobody said anything...nobody knew what to say. It was then I realized there are only certain circumstances where I can discuss my work, people want to know about it yes...but at the same time they don't. It's is sad but true.

Even though we all know this stuff goes on in the world, and yeah we feel bad about it for a moment or two, then the moment is over and we move on. After all we mostly feel helpless, like...what could we do really? You could donate right? But you never know exactly where that money goes or how much exactly goes to the children or families who really need it. So mostly, we think to ourselves "Oh that's sad", and that's it. But for me, I can no longer do that, I am here...I am in the middle of it. I can't turn it off or forget about it, these children are even in my dreams. It breaks my heart.

When my day on this earth is done, I hope I can look back at my time here in India as probably one of the only truly meaningful things I can be proud of in my entire life. A time where I was doing something that wasn't for myself.